Faith

Have you ever thought about faith? It's such a small word but yet carries so much weight. I think people these days lack it, I know I do.

We live in an age of immediate gratification. Along with faith comes patience. Faith is the belief in something you cannot see, but believe or hope to be true.

Putting your faith in God is terrifying. For me especially. I am a control freak by nature so "letting go, and letting God" is a bit of a foreign concept to me.

I put my faith in God and tried to live accordingly in the hopes that my family would receive the promised blessings of our temple marriage.

But apparently, His plan was different. Apparently my husband asked for his strength in his faith to be tested (I don't recommend anyone to do). Unfortunately he faltered.

I was angry at Heavenly Father. How could he have allowed this to happen? What happened to my promised blessings? Why were my children and I suffering for my husband's actions? I still don't know the answers to that. I probably never will.

I read a blog that talked about our premortal existence and our decision to come down and face certain trials. Did we truly know ahead what we would have to endure here to return home? Maybe that's why everyone says "God never gives you more than you can handle."

I guess I just wish my struggles didn't happen all in such a short amount of time. But I can and I will grow from this.

It just pains me how it all turned out. It wasn't supposed to be this way, not in my eyes. But I will choose to have faith, that there is some unforeseen reason this all did, and it will be ok. I just need to stand firm and hold onto the iron rod.