Hello all,
It has certainly been awhile since I've blogged. Life has surely thrown me my fair share of curveballs.
"What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of what it is supposed to be." This definitely was not how my life was supposed to be. Five years ago, I met the love of my life and his two kids. We had a whirlwind romance, gave up my great paying job to get married, and welcomed our first son into the world. Thus began my journey as a first stay-at-home-mommy and military spouse.
I definitely don't regret the life I lead. Motherhood blessed me with greater joy than I ever knew existed. That along with the military lifestyle brought me new experiences and forced me to grow as a person. I met wonderful people who helped me to become the person I used to be.
But of course when things are too good to be true, life has a funny way of derailing it. The past two years have been hell for my family. I'd redirect you to my other blog but in a fit of frustration, I deleted it.
Two years ago, marked the beginning of the end of my fairytale. My husband suffered a stroke the week of his deployment. And although everyone kept saying it was a huge blessing in disguise, I knew for him it was going to change him forever. I just had no idea how badly it would change him. It's funny because to this day, he'll say that's the day he died. No, not literally, but that man - the love of my life ceased to exist. I was left with the shell of him. But everything I knew and loved was gone. He changed. Things happened from that point on that changed us forever. I felt alone, abandoned, and afraid. I grew bitter at the way he handled his stroke. As did everyone else around us. But people have tried to comfort me and remind me that this isn't him. The man I loved would never have betrayed or abandon me and my children. But here I stand, alone. I think to myself, could I have handled the situation differently if it had happened to me? I'd like to think so. But I've always felt women were stronger than men to begin with.
But despite all that pain, I can't forget that Heavenly Father blessed me with a little ounce of strength to keep fighting. And thus despite all the turmoil and despair, we welcomed a second child. It is because of my boys that I carry on. That I fight for my beliefs in keeping my family together. But sadly, I fought alone. Thus begins our new journey. I know that although we have huge mountains to climb in life, if I persevere and stand strong, my view at the top and the end of the journey will be breathtaking. I will look back on all my struggles, and it will be worth it in the end. But I must remember to stop and gather forget-me-nots along the way. That's why He gave me my boys, to remind me to stop and celebrate the little joys in life along my journey. I know He has a plan for me. And although I wish my plan and His plan had been one and the same, I know I need to let go and have faith that my end in sight will be far greater than even I could imagine.
It has certainly been awhile since I've blogged. Life has surely thrown me my fair share of curveballs.
"What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of what it is supposed to be." This definitely was not how my life was supposed to be. Five years ago, I met the love of my life and his two kids. We had a whirlwind romance, gave up my great paying job to get married, and welcomed our first son into the world. Thus began my journey as a first stay-at-home-mommy and military spouse.
I definitely don't regret the life I lead. Motherhood blessed me with greater joy than I ever knew existed. That along with the military lifestyle brought me new experiences and forced me to grow as a person. I met wonderful people who helped me to become the person I used to be.
But of course when things are too good to be true, life has a funny way of derailing it. The past two years have been hell for my family. I'd redirect you to my other blog but in a fit of frustration, I deleted it.
Two years ago, marked the beginning of the end of my fairytale. My husband suffered a stroke the week of his deployment. And although everyone kept saying it was a huge blessing in disguise, I knew for him it was going to change him forever. I just had no idea how badly it would change him. It's funny because to this day, he'll say that's the day he died. No, not literally, but that man - the love of my life ceased to exist. I was left with the shell of him. But everything I knew and loved was gone. He changed. Things happened from that point on that changed us forever. I felt alone, abandoned, and afraid. I grew bitter at the way he handled his stroke. As did everyone else around us. But people have tried to comfort me and remind me that this isn't him. The man I loved would never have betrayed or abandon me and my children. But here I stand, alone. I think to myself, could I have handled the situation differently if it had happened to me? I'd like to think so. But I've always felt women were stronger than men to begin with.
But despite all that pain, I can't forget that Heavenly Father blessed me with a little ounce of strength to keep fighting. And thus despite all the turmoil and despair, we welcomed a second child. It is because of my boys that I carry on. That I fight for my beliefs in keeping my family together. But sadly, I fought alone. Thus begins our new journey. I know that although we have huge mountains to climb in life, if I persevere and stand strong, my view at the top and the end of the journey will be breathtaking. I will look back on all my struggles, and it will be worth it in the end. But I must remember to stop and gather forget-me-nots along the way. That's why He gave me my boys, to remind me to stop and celebrate the little joys in life along my journey. I know He has a plan for me. And although I wish my plan and His plan had been one and the same, I know I need to let go and have faith that my end in sight will be far greater than even I could imagine.
I am soooo glad you are back :) I missed reading your blog. I am so sorry for your pain and the trials you have to go through. Know that you are NOT alone! It is funny how Heavenly Father blesses us and gives us our trials to remember those blessings that we may have forgotten. Keep your chin up!
ReplyDeleteWow you're quick! I'm glad to be back too. I figured by getting my thoughts out there I can heal faster. And maybe it'll inspire someone in a similar situation to know it will get better!
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